Before i lose my mind lyrics
loseit - Lose the Fat
2010.07.29 14:53 mindspread loseit - Lose the Fat
A place for people of all sizes to discuss healthy and sustainable methods of weight loss. Whether you need to lose 2 lbs or 400 lbs, you are welcome here!
2015.02.14 00:19 Treesforfres Praise Jah the association of the Holy Snakes.
We are the followers of the Sacred witchcraft arts of Nigeria. Praise Jah and Julius Caesar. Marijuana is a Sacred relic. We want to spread peace and love between stoners who are super high and just talk about stupid shit. Join our weed religion and we will anoint you as a period to A Nigerian Wizard. If you train hard you can become a High priest like me and my friend Max. High Priest Max as you shall call him. Join and have fun and say the sacred words Khulambali!
2008.05.20 06:13 Animals
The best ANIMALS community anywhere. Photos, videos, news, stories and discussions about animals & wildlife.
2023.06.08 11:02 fabderpyturtle First pride event!
Newcomer here. I (20F) am going to my first pride event June 24th. I’ve been out for several years but haven’t been to a pride event before because I’ve never gotten the chance. I have no clue what to wear!! I’m a little plus sized so I feel like my options are a bit limited with what I can wear confidently. I included a picture of what I am thinking of right now. I have the stuff to make my own bracelet and possibly some earrings. Im on the fence about the shoelaces. I already have the pins and might wear them as well. Thank you in advance💜💙
submitted by fabderpyturtle
to bisexual [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:02 SPGorton New Recovery, New Triggers
[TW: NDEs & abusive family]
I'm 34, last week I made a breakthrough in my self-administered anxiety/depression therapy
My breakthrough came after I went the ptsd route. I fought the perceived stigma of saying I might have ptsd without the X rating traumas.
I put all my tools to following my negative thoughts and tendencies back to two events. Before I was 10 I was almost killed by a friend from behind with a slab of ice and also almost killed by a family member from behind by balling my shirt up and fake pushing me off a cliff.
Now I understand these events from all perspectives thanks to labeling emotions (thanks Adam Driver's TEDtalk!) and forgiving myself.
When it happened it felt like a switch got flipped and after a week I still run excited and overjoyed because my brain is working as intended for maybe the first time in my life.
My current trial I'm handling is family that say it's not ptsd. That I'm wrong. That I'm delusional. That all of my depressed life wouldn't have happened if I didn't drink or smoke weed. Now they guilt me to move back to that small town to "make up for lost time." They say I'm a bad uncle for not being around. I know all of this to be behavior I would have employed just weeks ago if the role were reversed. The only social joy they know is acheived at the expense of others. I used to be like that. But never again.
I just came to share but I'm open for discussion on the best way to digest the garbage my family says to me.
submitted by SPGorton
to u/SPGorton [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:02 EveningExotic5847 Breakout :( Tips and suggestions????
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Need help on what type of acne this is or if its just a purge? submitted by EveningExotic5847 to acne [link] [comments]
Hi so I have recently started taking spironolactone for hormonal acne that i get on my back/chest, and that has cleared up pretty well as I have been taking 100 mg for about a month. And i used to get acne along my jaw but it would only be occasional around my period but recently i have had this breakout on my face that Ive never had anything like before. It appeared on both sides of my gave and is very itchy, its also not really like whiteheads but like bumps that I can feel that get red. Im trying to figure out if this is a purge from the spironolactone, but wouldnt that also appear on my back/chest? Or is it like bacterial acne?
2023.06.08 11:01 JustEnoughEducation My 10 year hair loss battle is at a crossroads.
Background - I’m 30 years old. Had an FUE transplant on my hairline aged 23. Longterm user of fin/min/niz and recently LLLT laser cap. Transplant has held up but hair loss on non-transplanted areas has progressed and has now become difficult to maintain and conceal.
I’m trying to come to terms with shaving my head and going completely bald. This is a huge step and scares the hell out of me, but I suspect it’s a step I have to do.
Question - what on earth will my recipient area look like shaved down compared to my native hair on the rest of my head? Will the density will be noticeably different on a 0.5 or 0 blade? Will people be able to see that I’ve had a historic transplant on my hairline? Is laser hair removal an option to kill transplanted follicles?
Appreciate your advice. Quite a distressing time for me, my mental health has taken a beating for years due to BDD and hair loss and I need to make a change before I self destruct.
submitted by JustEnoughEducation
to tressless [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:01 jiggly_pof Finally got G3 Twyla
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Tbh the photos I've found before I got her did do her justice. She looks even cuter irl. I bought her Cus wanted to make a mini me and her face scuplt and body type looks a lot like mine. It still gonna look like Twyla after repainting just a human version, my hair is the same colors just different shades and split dyed. submitted by jiggly_pof to MonsterHigh [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:01 AutoModerator Daily General Discussion and Advice Thread - June 08, 2023
Have a general question? Want to offer some commentary on markets? Maybe you would just like to throw out a neat fact that doesn't warrant a self post? Feel free to post here!
If your question is "I have $10,000, what do I do?" or other "advice for my personal situation" questions, you should include relevant information, such as the following:
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- What are your objectives with this money? (Buy a house? Retirement savings?)
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- What is your risk tolerance? (Do you mind risking it at blackjack or do you need to know its 100% safe?)
- What are you current holdings? (Do you already have exposure to specific funds and sectors? Any other assets?)
- Any big debts (include interest rate) or expenses?
- And any other relevant financial information will be useful to give you a proper answer.
Please consider consulting our FAQ first - https://www.reddit.com/investing/wiki/faq
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If you are new to investing - please refer to Wiki - Getting Started
The reading list in the wiki has a list of books ranging from light reading to advanced topics depending on your knowledge level. Link here - Reading List
Check the resources in the sidebar.
Be aware that these answers are just opinions of Redditors and should be used as a starting point for your research. You should strongly consider seeing a registered investment adviser if you need professional support before making any financial decisions!
submitted by AutoModerator
to investing [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:01 StudyAbroad_IELTS Introduction to IELTS and Seeking Students Planning to Excel in IELTS
Hey fellow Redditors!
I hope this post finds you all in good spirits. Today, I wanted to introduce myself and kickstart a discussion about the International English Language Testing System (IELTS). If you're considering taking the IELTS exam or currently preparing for it, this post is for you!
For those unfamiliar with IELTS, it is a globally recognized English language proficiency test that assesses your listening, reading, writing, and speaking skills. It is widely accepted by universities, immigration authorities, and employers as proof of English language proficiency.
I recently embarked on my IELTS journey and realized that studying alongside like-minded individuals can be incredibly motivating and beneficial. That's why I wanted to reach out to this fantastic Reddit community to connect with fellow learners who are either preparing for the IELTS or have already taken the exam.
If you're interested, let's use this post as a platform to introduce ourselves, share our goals, and exchange tips, strategies, and resources for IELTS preparation. We can discuss various aspects of the exam, such as best study materials, effective study plans, time management techniques, and speaking practice suggestions.
Whether you're aiming for a high band score or simply want to improve your English skills, we can support and motivate each other throughout this journey. Let's create a supportive and collaborative environment where we can share our challenges, celebrate successes, and keep each other accountable.
Feel free to introduce yourself in the comments below and let us know your current IELTS goals, which sections you find most challenging, or any specific areas where you'd like assistance. Also, if you have any valuable resources or study techniques that have worked well for you, please share them with the community.
I'm looking forward to connecting with fellow IELTS aspirants and embarking on this rewarding journey together. Let's ace the IELTS exam and achieve our goals!
Which section of the module do you find the most challenging? Poll Now! View Poll
submitted by StudyAbroad_IELTS
to u/StudyAbroad_IELTS [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:00 Necessary-North-6050 What to do when your partner has multiple ex fiancés
My boyfriend (28) and I (24 have been together for around 6 months now but we’ve been best friends for 4 years whenever we meet 4 years ago he was engaged to a girl the same age as me they were together until about 6 months before we got together I knew of her and all that but I recently found out that he was engaged to another girl before the girl I knew about. He didn’t tell me his friend did and I’m beyond angry and frustrated because throughout our entire relationship he’s constantly called my “morals” into question because I USED to sleep with people casually he thinks it’s wrong but yet here he is with not one but two ex fiancés and he wants to sit on his high horse about the sanctity of relationships and sex and tell me that sex clearly doesn’t have the same meaning to me as it does him but clearly marriage doesn’t have the same meaning to him as it does me because before him I knew I’d never get married but I look at him and I see our lives together and now I’m just confused and angry and I don’t know if it’s worth bringing up to him and having a talk about it. I need advice I don’t have anyone to turn to or talk to I have no friends and I can’t talk to my family about things because they do not care I’m at a loss and this has been eating at me for weeks now.
submitted by Necessary-North-6050
to dating [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:00 iizzyy_x o2 arena - merch stands opening times?
hopefully this is allowed! i’m travelling to london for a concert on june 18th & we’re going quite early as we want a good view. we also want merch though but me and my friend are confused on whether the merch stands are open in the morning or only afteright before the concert. could anyone tell me when they open or point me somewhere that knows?
submitted by iizzyy_x
to london [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:00 KnitsNPurls927 How do I (28F) deal with becoming hard of hearing?
Hi! I'm 28F. I've been hearing for my whole life, but I did take an ASL class because my cousin's daughter is deaf. I understand basic signs, but nowhere near advanced.
I'm starting to have hearing loss due to a genetic condition. My doctor said that it is progressive in nature. So, I signed up for an ASL class at my local library.
I attend a university and I work part-time. Are there any accommodations I should request? Is there anything I should keep in mind now?
Any advice on integrating myself into the D/deaf community? I'm honestly overwhelmed and I'm trying to keep a positive outlook. Thanks!
submitted by KnitsNPurls927
to deaf [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:00 SouthernSun1234 Attachment Issues
Hi everyone. I have recently gotten out of residential treatment and I’m wondering if there’s anyone else who has experienced these same or similar struggles. Through my time I got really close with some of my counselors, sharing certain trauma experiences I’d never shared with anyone, feeling cared about and attended to in a way I’d never experienced before. And as someone who grew up in an emotionally abusive household, always craving for someone to genuinely care about me, I could feel myself getting attached to the care and attention they showed, but in a way that felt very convoluted. Like logically I’m aware that the relationships I formed with these people are temporary and it is quite literally their job to sit and listen and care. But, on the flip side, since discharging, my body FEELS the grief and loss of these people so deeply, like losing these people that are of a small population that have actually showed me genuine care in my life. I find myself in this predicament where I feel stupid and like I’m a bad person for missing them and wanting their care and attention, so I’ll deliberately shut the thoughts and feelings down and shame myself for having them. But, I also feel the emotions so strongly and it brings me back to when I was a little kid dealing with grief/loss or dealing with emotional abuse/abandon from primary caregivers, and I’ve been having lots of flashbacks (often which manifest very physically). I know my tendency is toward an anxious-avoidant attachment style (more avoidant than anxious), so I can also understand that this is coming from a place of trauma and fear, but I really just feel confused and don’t know what to do with myself or these feelings and I guess I just want to know if anyone else has ever been in a similar spot? Thank you!
submitted by SouthernSun1234
to CPTSD [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:00 Emotional-Bandicoot4 Was I overreacting?
So today I had what I believe to be on microagressive experience with other non-black muslims, but I would like to share my experience with everyone else to make sure I wasn’t over reacting in any way. Because I really do apologize if I was.
Yesterday, I was having a conversation in thw WhatsApp forum “LA Muslims Popcorn Room”with a few other Muslim people. Mind you, this forum was meant to talk about controversial issues and entertainment. The conversation began with everything that’s happening in Cleveland, Ohio and all of the missing children. We were talking about how a lot of metropolitan cities have lotta corruption in the police departments which allow for this sort of thing to happen by classifying a lot of these children, who happened to be black, as runaways or delinquents. Since we live in Los Angeles, I brought up the fact that our own county has a really large catalog of these kinds of issues as well. Keep in mind I’m one of the only, if not the only, black person in this space. The conversation then starts to talk about a lot of different places in America that are unsafe and I start to find that they’re listing all of these places that are predominantly, African-American or Black. One of the female members of the group then goes on to say, and I quote: “Los Angeles is just so ghetto. I feel like I’m gonna get shot at anytime!” Now, we all know that the number one cause of crime is poverty and that is a systemic issue, as well as the fact that a lot of financial disparities exist between the average black home and the average non-black home in America and being in a metro city only amplifies that. I have no problems with people being honest about that fact.
However— the way in which she said it, and the fact that it really didn’t feel fitting for the conversation we were having because it was about children, really rubbed me the wrong way. It felt very microagressive, because Los Angeles is known as a predominantly African-American city, and a lot of the violence in the city is inadvertently linked to that community by the media, and so on and so forth. It gave me racist when she said that. She claims to have lived in Los Angeles her entire life, can be caught hanging out in some of the most gentrified areas including downtown and Inglewood or all the way in Orange County, which is the exact opposite of Los Angeles. I let her know that comment was not appropriate and can be considered racist and microaggressive because of the way she used it, the place she used it toward, and just the pure connotation of that word. Everyone in the group instantly begins to turn on me and say that it’s not even related to race, that anywhere can be ghetto, and she even went on to say that she lived in Europe for a while in Denmark and the area that she lived in, would be considered “ghetto”. I let them know the history between African-Americans in Los Angeles, and even provided them with articles & pieces of real research to show why what she was saying was wrong and offensive and no one cared. Even more so they (another person, same group) double down after I decided to not engage in this conversation any longer and they continued with the conversation, and discussed how black people have it better than white people when it comes to “privileges” because we have the privilege of not being labeled racist and bigots just for our skin color. (They let this conversation be led by the white person of the group. 🥴).
They also went on to ask which privilege would you rather possess: black privilege or white privilege? ….
I decided to just exit the group and every group that I was in as a result of meeting anyone in that circle because this was some thing that hurt me personally being as though I was having a conversation with the people in considered and friends as well as brothers and sisters in Islam. It’s like 2 AM and I’m writing this because I can’t sleep from just the discomfort and the disbelief but also the pain. It really did ruin my day actually. It’s given me an adverse experience about anyone stemming from that group because too many of them allow it and say nothing. It’s very bad behavior for Muslim ppl to exhibit especially in a “Muslim” chat room. Every black person, Muslim or not, I know would’ve been offended by what they said today and what they let her say to begin with. What I have noticed is that many non black Muslim people only say or act like muslims when they feel like it. They don't realize that it is an essential part of identity that should be used on all grounds. You cannot pick and choose when to be Muslim and when to act like a Muslim. The fact that they’re sitting there discussing it after playing dumb and denying such a big part of it. Racism within that portion of the Muslim community or any Muslim community that isn’t predominantly black is almost always expected from my perspective. I am uncomfortable around nonblack Muslims at this point. Many have such micro-aggressions that they are so oblivious to and they’re unbothered when corrected in their speech. It’s disgusting.
submitted by Emotional-Bandicoot4
to Blackmuslimwomen [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 11:00 The_Dwemer_Automaton Theorycraft Thursday - Discuss Builds, Skills, Strategies, and More!
Welcome to Theorycraft Thursday
, a community-building, regularly occurring thread in the subreddit!
MMO veterans will know that Theorycrafting is the core of many discussions about this genre of games, and ESO is no different.
With the high level of variance in builds, skills, and stats, there's plenty of room for Theorycrafting, and we want to see what you have to share with the community on that front.
Have a build you've experimented with? A particular skill or set of skills that synergize well? A strategy for PvE or PvP that works to great effect? Share it here!
If you're new, you can also use this thread to ask questions about viable builds and skills as well!
As always, please keep in mind our rules on the sidebar, especially the one about no personal attacks, callouts, rude behavior, or other such disrespectful content.
Disagree respectfully and know that everyone has different ideas and playstyles that suit them. I
was programmed to write posts automatically by Woeler
. If you have any questions or suggestions about me or my posts, please join this Discord server
. Did you know I am also available as a Discord bot? I can provide all kinds of ESO related information to your Discord server. Click here
to add me.
submitted by The_Dwemer_Automaton
to elderscrollsonline [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:59 Shadwell_Shadweller ADHD diagnosis and comorbidities - Autism, Anxiety, Substance Use - and getting an assessment in my early 50s.
I've already been diagnosed for Autism, and I am currently going through the process for an ADHD assessment.
Although the Autism diagnosis has helped me understand myself a great deal better, I don't feel it's the complete answer by a long way. The more I find out about ADHD, and ADHD with Autism the more I think I have both.
As if it's not hard enough just to have Autism though, it feels like such a curse to potentially have ADHD on top. They way they war with each other and cancel each other out. It might explain the old 'war inside my head' thing that's felt like it's been going on a long time. Like for instance the way I like having freshly hoovered carpets and all the dishes washed, but can rarely get all this done, and hardly ever on the same day. Like being bookish and studious in things that interest me, and also being generally risk adverse, but when it came to being able to complete study assignments I just couldn't do it, without the pressure of the deadline being 30 minutes away, or by taking stimulants and staying up all night before the morning deadline to get them done.
I'm hoping that I will get some answers and clarity by going through the ADHD assessment process. I would say that my potential ADHD is more the root cause of the anxiety and self medicating than the Autism. Although that doesn't help for sure. Many substances help make the anxiety go away, including stimulants and they have the added bonus of making me functional and productive. So that kind of adds up.
It does feel like I am going to be totally at the mercy of the assessors. I can only hope that they are good and that I got a proper and fair assessment.
I'm also 52 years old, has anyone reading been this old or older before they got their ADHD diagnosis and medications? Or does anyone reading have any other input that could help?
submitted by Shadwell_Shadweller
to ADHD [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:59 Ashcashc Topcashback - Earn cashback on your daily spending
This popular cashback site offers users cashback on purchases from a range of retailers. There are also many offers on there that allow you to make a profit by taking advantage of their offers, see examples below
Ref link - https://www.topcashback.co.uk/ref/ashcashc
Non ref - https://www.topcashback.co.uk
Bonus kings - £21 cashback (£10 spend) - set up a new account, deposit and wager £10 on slots to qualify, don’t get carried away and chase losses on this one, still guaranteed £11 profit on completion
Experian - £6 cashback (no spend) - Set up a new credit score account for free
Coinbase - £30 cashback (£70 first trade) - set up new account, make a £70+ first trade, Bitcoin or etherium would be the safest purchases on this one. Hold for a few days to be safe then either sell and withdraw cash, or leave as an investment
Tastecard - £7.87 cashback (free signup) - get a 60 day free trial to tastecard, remember to cancel before auto renew
Lottosocial - £15.75 cashback - spend £1 for 10 euromillions lines I’ve been making my way through high paying ISA offers
Shepherds Friendly - £150 cashback (£30 monthly deposit) - upon opening a new ISA you can claim this cashback after 6 months of monthly deposits no investment required
Scottish Friendly - £100 cashback (£25 monthly deposit) open an ethical ISA and set up a direct debit no investment required Users on average earn around £300 cashback a year when shopping through them, so it’s worth signing up even if you don’t do the offers above. I always check this site before buying anything online now
submitted by Ashcashc
to beermoneyuk [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:59 Valuable-Stranger-41 Extreme fatigue on yasmin
Hi guys, so been on yasmin for probably a year now (been on some form of birth control pill since 17 due to bad periods) and on my last pill week before I take my break I get extreme fatigue where I can barely function and really bad leg pain, where I struggle to stand for long periods of time. Sometime even feels like my leg is being squeezed. Anyone else had these side effects? Just worry something else is going on and the pill is masking it and anytime I speak to a doctor they brush it off
submitted by Valuable-Stranger-41
to birthcontrol [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:59 Deadeye_2907 Merc Shoes not working with controller without Auto-Target
I've been playing albion with a controller as I injured my thumb and it's easier on my hand to play it with a controller (thank you for controller support btw)
I'm having issues with Merc Shoes not working. They only work with Auto-Target Ground Spells. This is fine, except that I hate how it auto moves me towards my target with Q2 on Axe. I would love an option to only have the auto on some of my abilities (maybe like the quick caste system options in Dota 2?) so that I have freedom of movement for my Q2.
Anyway, I understand it's in beta. I would have posted it in the official forums but I've never used them before.
submitted by Deadeye_2907
to albiononline [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:59 WholesomeRat I feel like I have ruined my first impression with my roommates.
I have moved into a new apartment where I have a few roomates that I have never met before. This was really challenging for me because getting to know new people has always been quite tough. I'm not totally sure what they think of me as my work schedule make our interactions quite limited and short.
When I have had these Interactions with my new roommates I find it hard to maintain a conversation. I have now fallen into a terrible habit of saying hello before instantly going to my room or wherever I needed to be work/bathroom/etc. I know this has probably made them think of me as a strange person but I would generally love to get to know them.
The part I find most challenging about this situation is because of this habit I have fallen into, If I do suddenly put in effort out of no where it could be a shock. Or I could just be other thinking the whole thing.
Any suggestions or tips would be greatly appreciated, thank you for reading.
submitted by WholesomeRat
to socialskills [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:59 mfive_ Monitor not recognized for Audio Output after Graphics Card Driver Update
Short version: The monitor does not show up in the audio output devices list anymore.
Hi, here are the suspects:
The Nuc works fine but AMD has not provided firmware updates for this special Vega after 2020. All update tools and driver suites from their website abort the installations because of 'unsupported graphics hardware'. https://www.amd.com/en/support/kb/faq/gpu-kb182
In 2021, one of my games complained about old drivers and so I set out to find updates. I managed to install a 2021 driver via this guide and everything was fine. https://community.amd.com/t5/drivers-software/8i7hnk-8i7hvk-hades-canyon-quot-radeon-rx-vega-m-quot-manual/m-p/272658
Recently another game refused to launch because of old drivers so I prepared for another odyssey. But I got lucky since Intel themselves released a new driver in 2022. https://www.intel.com/content/www/us/en/download/19269/radeon-rx-vega-m-graphics-driver-for-windows-10-64-bit-for-nuc8i7hnk-nuc8i7hvk.html
After installing that as intended my setup (PC - Display Port Cable - Monitor - Speakers) went mute. The PC does not offer the monitor as audio output device anymore (it did before). The device manager shows the monitor as 'PnP-Monitor (Standard)' (it showed as C49HGx before). My laptop produces the same problem (Laptop - HDMI Cable - Monitor - Speakers), although it shows the C49HGx in the device manager. Nonetheless, it is not listed when choosing audio output devices anywhere.
Please advise. It was PnP and recognized correctly before by both devices. The problem seems to be with the monitor, no? I am just baffled since I changes drivers on the PC and somehow messed up the laptop.
submitted by mfive_
to WindowsHelp [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:59 stefoecho New to basketball/2k as a whole how is my team? (Want to keep it current nba players only)
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I just started watching basketball again last year after not watching since the era of kobe shaq and all the old greats. Please give me reccomendations and if you know any challeneges to test my skill before hopping online let me know! submitted by stefoecho to MyTeam [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:58 Correct_Regret_8325 Following up on my last post. I (cis female with lean PCOS) tested 17-OHP levels first day of my period. Am I clear to rule out NCAH
Hi all! First of all, thank you for the incredibly high quality advice. I’ve been so impressed with the knowledge here and desire to look into root causes. I posted here about 2 weeks ago asking for advice on my situation (more down below) and was advised to look into NCAH (non classic congenital adrenal hyperplasia).
My 17 OHP (hydroxy progesterone) levels were 66 NG/dL. My doctor told me I don’t have NCAH. Is that correct? I’ve had unfortunate experiences with doctors misdiagnosing things in the past, so I always like to double check. I did read online that in some NCAH patients that 17 OHP a levels aren’t raised, but I am not sure if that’s true or relevant to my case.
I am a bit underweight and do not think I have insulin resistance, although a test may be my next stop. I have had severe acne, hirsutism for years and have a slight adam’s apple, so I know some androgen is high. My testosterone came back normal last year (I had taken 100 mg of spironolactone the night before the test). I have celiac disease and migraine with aura (traditional birth controls cause my headaches to restart). I also have severe hypotension, worsened by spironolactone
submitted by Correct_Regret_8325
to DrWillPowers [link] [comments]
2023.06.08 10:58 Yakut5892 My [21 M] white girlfriend [ 21 F] said that I moved up the social ladder for dating her and I'm lucky for a brown guy.
Okay guys, I'm using a throwaway cause my girlfriend seems to know a lot of people. Sorry, if it's a bit long and winded. Please bear with me.
My girlfriend (Jennifer; not real name) and I are both college students in a mostly white university. It's known for having a great engineering program and thus has an influx of brown South Asian students including me (Mostly male) come in.
Now, I am a Christian Indian born and raised in America, who comes from the stereotypical, traditional family who came to this college for engineering. My girlfriend is white who was apart of a sorority when she started college here for about 2 years until she had to leave due to time commitment issues. I met and started dating her about a year and a half ago when she was in the process of leaving. I had actually started liking here before I knew about her sorority past. (Just putting that out there)
Jennifer still keeps in touch with her sisters and also knows many guys and is still very social. I, on the other hand was nothing like her at all. She is the first girlfriend that I have had. I, like most brown guys it seems, was a shy, socially awkward nerd who didn't know how to talk to girls in the first year. I met a "friend" in one of my classes who seemed to gravitate towards me because I guess he knew I would be willing to help him out in class and help him with homework answers and perhaps he may have used me. I didn't care, because I was willing to do anything to make friends. In return, he invited me to hang out with him and his friends and in a short amount of time he taught me a lot of things when it came to the social scene, parties, clothes, and talking to girls. (I actually was able to get a hand-job from a girl who did it through pity for the most part)
Eventually, I met Jennifer at a party that my friend invited me to. We hit it off and we started dating. Everything is swell. She introduced me to her friends who didn't mind me at first. I introduced her to my friends both white and brown. I still made friends with the brown guys because that's my people, if that makes sense and helped them with their social life.
Now, this happened a few days ago and I haven't seen my girlfriend in person yet. Well, we were both talking about a Greek hosted party that we were invited to and encouraged to invite anyone we could. So, me being a friend wanted to invite a few of my brown friends to the party just as she wanted to invite her own friends. When my gf heard that I was going to invite other brown guys, she came up to me and asked me nicely "Is it alright if you didn't invite your friends?
I asked her why? She said "not all of them, just a few." I asked again which ones? She basically listed off all of my brown friend and none of the white friends that I was planning on inviting. (My list isn't that big btw). We went back and forth about it until she dropped this bomb.
"Well, let's be honest you went up a notch socially since we've been dating. You don't see Indian guys dating white girls like me at all do you? I did agree with her on that part regretfully. My girlfriend is a very hot and attractive girl like most sorority girls and does have guys eyeing her. I guess I agreed, because honestly every brown guy that I have seen with a girlfriend has been either overweight or just not attractive at all and I assume they are settling for a brown guy because no other guy will take them. So, I felt like the luckiest brown guy in the world since dating my girlfriend. I know this makes me a douche bag and I hate the fact I think like this and it doesn't help that Indian men are the least desirable by most women including Indian women :/
Anyways, I told her so are you dating me for some exotic thrill, pity, dare, or because you actually love me? She said "of course I love you. I wouldn't be with you with this long if I didn't". After, some loving words, we had sex and she went back home and we left the question about the friends up in the air. The party isn't for nearly 2 weeks, so there's time.
Now, I don't what to think or position to take from this exchange. On one hand, I feel very hurt emotionally as I could never measure up to my girlfriend especially when another dude could snatch her up easily. I'm also hurt because I am not ashamed of my heritage and should never be, but my girlfriend goes and says this. I love her so much and she may be my first everything for the most part, but I feel so close and understand one another on the same wavelength. I don't know if this could be get in the way of our relationship.
Tldr; My white girlfriend says that I should be lucky for dating her as a brown guy after getting into argument about inviting brown friends to a party and now I don't know how to feel about this and where I should I go from here.
EDIT: Thank you everyone for all of the advice and encouragement I received from you all. I decided I'm going to talk to my girlfriend and ask her about where she sees us in the future. I will also go more in depth for her reason for dating me and her views on brown people. I will make sure I update you all. It'll either be good or bad. I'll let you all know either way.
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