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In the fascinating realm of PlayStation, where digital adventures abound, it can be a thorn in the side to find that one is hampered by the nuisance of region-specific content. Early access to new-fangled games and special extras are often cordoned off, like exclusive gatherings of the upper crust.
The secret to entry, as it turns out, involves tinkering with your PSN region. Now, before you rush off to adjust your existing account, I should inform you that it's about as fruitful as expecting a dog to recite Shakespeare. One needs to construct an entirely new account, a laborious process akin to erecting a garden gazebo, albeit far less physical.
Though a VPN is not absolutely necessary for changing your PSN region, employing one does impart a sense of being tucked up in one's club, safe from prying eyes and DDoS attacks. These devilish assaults have been known to banish gamers offline, a punishment akin to being sent to one's room without supper.
Regrettably, PlayStation consoles regard VPN apps with the same disdain that Jeeves has for my purple socks. You cannot simply summon a VPN onto your PlayStation in the manner of other digital gadgets. It must be manually configured on your router or shared with your PlayStation via a Wi-Fi or ethernet connection, much like one might reluctantly share one's last biscuit.
Fear not! This humble narrative shall illuminate the path towards changing your PSN region and marrying a VPN to your PlayStation. A brief perusal of the most commendable PlayStation VPNs is also in order - ExpressVPN leaps to mind. This chap boasts a user-friendly router app, a multitude of servers, and security measures as formidable as a British bulldog. To cap it off, it exhibits the kind of speed that would make a racehorse blush.
A Jaunty Journey through PSN Topography, or, How to Swop your PlayStation Locale with Whimsical Ease
Relocating your PSN region is a little like moving house, albeit with less packing of teacups and more clicking of buttons. It requires the formulation of a new user account, a process smoother than a freshly ironed trouser crease. Allow me to elucidate with a play-by-play guide suitable for either PS4 or PS5:
Commence your journey by bidding adieu to your current PSN account.
On the bridge of your PlayStation console, navigate to the realm of the Settings menu. Descend the list to 'Account Management,' and select 'Sign Out' to effectively check out of your current PSN lodgings.
Craft a fresh user profile on your console.
Make your way back to the heartland of the main screen, and select 'New User.' Press 'Create a User' to breathe life into your new digital persona, clicking 'Accept' to bow to the wisdom of the User Agreement. Subsequently, choose 'Next' to christen a sparkling new PSN account. On the PSN login page, there’s a button at the base labelled 'New to PlayStation Network? Create an Account.' Give it a hearty click!
Decree the region for the new account.
Under 'Country or Region,' take a gander at the drop-down menu and select your desired locale. Nominate your language of choice and duly enter your date of birth.
Declare your age to the digital powers that be.
For most, a mobile number affixed to your account shall suffice. Alternatively, scanning the QR code displayed on your screen or opting for an email verification are viable routes. Be aware that these are third-party methods.
Divulge your home address details.
Fill in your city, state or province, and postal code. On the following page, hand over your email address and create a password that’s more secretive than Jeeves's special pick-me-up recipe. Now select your Avatar, add your online ID and your moniker.
Finally, doff your cap to PSN's privacy policy and arrange your privacy settings to your liking.
And there you have it! As if by digital magic, you're the proud owner of a brand new PSN account, complete with an updated region. Happy gaming! Oh, dear, I do apologize. This seems to end on a 'happy' note. Let's try again:
There you have it! As if by digital magic, you're the proud owner of a brand new PSN account, complete with an updated region. May your gaming exploits be ever victorious!
The Online Odyssey: Ensuring a Bally Pleasant PlayStation Experience, VPN-Style
In the game of PlayStation, one can indeed venture without a VPN by one's side. However, just as a gentleman wouldn't dare attend a high society event without a trusty valet, the sagacious gamer understands the multitude of boons a VPN brings:
Unfurling the map to region-locked content:
Like a trusty bloodhound sniffing out the elusive truffle, a VPN can ferret out and unlock games in the PlayStation Store that your geographical locale renders inaccessible. The trick lies in the VPN assigning you an IP address twinning with the location of the server you're connected to.
Ditching the DDoS dastards:
Regrettably, the online multiplayer landscape occasionally plays host to less-than-chivalrous tactics, such as DDoS attacks. Essentially, these scoundrels overwhelm your connection with an ungodly barrage of requests, causing your server to crumble under the strain. A VPN acts like a digital cloak, concealing your IP address and thus making you an unlikely target for DDoS ne'er-do-wells.
Securing the sanctity of your online endeavors:
VPNs act as your personal invisible ink, encrypting all your digital communications into a scrambled code that would baffle even the sharpest of minds. This means any meddlesome individuals, including your ISP, are left none the wiser about your virtual ventures.
Blocking the bandwidth bailiffs:
There are ISPs out there, the absolute rotters, who might deliberately slow down your connection if they perceive you're rather too fond of data usage. Typically, this would occur if you're deep in the throes of online gaming or binging on the latest series. However, your VPN's encryption shields your activities, preventing your ISP from putting a damper on your digital delights.
ExpressVPN
ExpressVPN, by Jove, emerges as the unrivalled VPN partner for the PlayStation in 2023, much like a formidable butler who anticipates every need before it arises. The beauty of ExpressVPN lies in its ability to introduce you to the gaming delights from a staggering 90+ countries. Not only does it fling wide the doors to a pantheon of region-exclusive games, but it also ensures your gaming exploits are both lightning-fast and more secure than the Bank of England.
ExpressVPN, in a show of singular tech-wizardry, is one of the few VPNs to offer an application for routers. This handy feature sidesteps the minor inconvenience that PlayStation consoles hold a steadfast "no VPN apps allowed" policy. If you fancy an even simpler solution, ExpressVPN presents the Aircove, a router with the VPN features already installed and ready to serve. Should you prefer the comfort of familiar ground, ExpressVPN also offers congenial apps for your Windows or macOS device that allow you to share your VPN connection with your PlayStation.
Now, the speed at which ExpressVPN operates is reminiscent of a whippet on its morning constitutional. Its Lightway protocol, finely tuned for briskness and efficacy, ensures gaming on your PlayStation is a swift affair. When put to the test on my PlayStation 4, the difference between my usual speed and the speed with ExpressVPN was about as noticeable as a flea on an elephant. Even amidst the frenzied action of Call of Duty: Warzone matches, my ping remained as calm and unflappable as Jeeves in a crisis.
ExpressVPN takes its role as your security sentry rather seriously. Not only does it stand guard against DDoS attacks, but it also offers comprehensive protection against DNS, WebRTC, and IPv6 leaks. This effectively means your IP address remains more elusive than the Scarlet Pimpernel. To add further clout to its privacy credentials, ExpressVPN employs RAM-only servers, ensuring that all data is wiped clean at every server reset, and perfect forward secrecy, guaranteeing a fresh encryption key with each new VPN session. Also, its no-logs policy has undergone multiple independent audits and emerged squeaky clean every time.
As a cherry on top, ExpressVPN also wields a nifty smart DNS tool, MediaStreamer, that makes your console a gateway to popular streaming services like Netflix, Hulu, and BBC iPlayer. Since MediaStreamer doesn't bother with encrypting your data, you're left with the swiftest speeds possible, making your streaming experience as smooth as a well-aged brandy.
Private Internet Access
Private Internet Access, or PIA if we're on friendly terms, is rather like a seasoned bouncer for your PlayStation gaming exploits. Its servers, gallantly stationed across 80+ countries, come equipped with anti-DDoS armour, ensuring any DDoS scoundrels attempting to disrupt your gaming shenanigans are turned away at the door. It also flaunts an array of other formidable security measures, including leak protection, RAM-only servers, and perfect forward secrecy.
Much like the chatty gentleman at the bar who can't help but share a story, PIA regularly delivers transparency reports detailing the numerous requests for user data it has successfully thwarted. For those intrigued by the technical side, PIA's apps are open-source, allowing anyone to peruse the code and search for potential chinks in the armour. Notably, PIA's no-logs policy has stood under the harsh light of audit and emerged with nary a blemish.
Despite lacking a dedicated router app like our good friend ExpressVPN, PIA offers router support. Of course, a touch of manual labour is needed to configure the VPN on your router (fear not, PIA provides comprehensive guides to hold your hand through the process). For those who prefer a more streamlined approach, PIA's user-friendly apps for Windows and macOS can transfigure your PC into a virtual router, making it PlayStation-friendly. And with unlimited connections on offer, every member of the household can indulge in their gaming or online pursuits without fear of overstepping their bounds.
PIA further cements its place in the gaming world by providing lightning-fast speeds and steadfast connections, suitable for even the most demanding of PlayStation adventures. A series of Call of Duty: Warzone bouts under my belt attest to this, with not a hint of lag or sluggishness in sight. It appears, dear reader, that with PIA at the helm, the battle for smooth gaming sessions is one decidedly won.
A Case of Geographic Gymnastics: The Art of Shuffling Your PSN Account Region
A touch of geographic flexibility with your PSN account can make one feel rather like a cosmopolitan globe-trotter. One minute you're casually perusing the digital shelves of one region's PSN store, the next you've hopped across the globe to a different region altogether, revealing a cornucopia of diverse games and jolly little applications that previously eluded your grasp.
Consider the tantalising prospect of time travel. Certain gaming treasures and their subsequent updates have a habit of making an earlier debut in specific regions. By cunningly adjusting your PSN region, you find yourself striding ahead of your original region's release date, a veritable gaming pioneer.
Money matters too, old bean. Not all regions approach the delicate subject of pricing in the same manner. A particular game or app, lurking at a steep price in one corner of the globe, might be available at a price as friendly as a Labrador in another. A quick switch of your PSN region and voila! You're purchasing games with a spring in your step and a much happier wallet.
Last, but by no means least, there's the matter of multiplayer matchmaking. A quick region swap and you're thrust into an entirely new gaming realm, rubbing virtual shoulders with players from your newly adopted region. Depending on your choice, this could usher in a larger player base and the thrilling prospect of competition that would make even the most seasoned player’s pulse quicken. All in all, it's a rather splendid arrangement.
Navigating the Virtual Bazaar: The Gentleman's Guide to Acquiring Region-Exclusive PlayStation Games
The path to procuring region-specific PlayStation games can be as labyrinthine as the plot of a mystery novel. And yet, with a little finesse and strategic planning, you can traverse this maze with all the grace of a seasoned explorer.
Now, consider this: only the payment methods associated with your new region will permit you to purchase games. Thus, if you've adopted Uncle Sam's land as your region, you'd need a US PayPal account to conduct any virtual commerce.
While some souls have been known to spin a yarn about a fictitious address, it's not a course I'd recommend. Such antics tend to ruffle the feathers of service providers, potentially leading to a rather permanent expulsion from their services, and that wouldn’t do, would it?
Instead, the optimal method involves the acquisition of digital gift cards tied to your region of choice, redeemable within the PlayStation Store.
A handy roadmap for this delightful escapade would look something like this:
Acquire the services of a dependable VPN and connect to a server that aligns with your chosen PSN region. ExpressVPN has always been my preferred companion on these journeys, courtesy of its vast server network and lightning-fast speeds.
Engage in the purchase of region-specific PSN gift cards. These tokens of digital currency can be sourced from a variety of online retailers or local establishments with a penchant for digital codes.
Redeem your gift card on your PlayStation console. Navigate to the PlayStation Store on your console, select 'Redeem Codes', and input your newly acquired code. Follow the prompts to add the funds to your PSN account.
Finally, take your pick from the smorgasbord of games available in your new region’s PlayStation Store.
So, there you have it: the enlightened path to region-specific gaming bliss. Good luck and goodspeed!

Fuck you, Vincent! I'm calling you out!

Listen up monsterhunterrage, lemme tell you something about Vincent P. Nis. This motherfucker comes to me pleading for my moral support, as you see I am extremely funny, handsome, and I bring victory and good luck.
I've been in this son of a bitch's Discord calls while he records himself getting grinded up the ass more times than Fiorayne has pubic hairs, and I have carried this man with my voice alone. I sing to him as a bard, my skills as a Hunting Horn user emanating off my presence enough to give him buffs in-game without me even being there.
And yet, despite this hard carry that has saved him countless times, he refuses to have sex with me! My bussy has yet to be filled with his American Venom. People of the monsterhunterrage subreddit; this is an injustice!
My services have gone unpaid for! I have been robbed, scammed, swindled! No big black cock to grace my intestines, and on Pride Month no less!
I just helped this man defeat Primordial Malzeno not an hour before writing this, after seven horribly disastrous attempts, and yet I am not being left as a quaking gay mass leaking splooge tainted with burger grease and chip fat!
So fuck you Vincent, and your weird throbbing beetle dick! Don't expect me to help you in Monster Hunter 6 when they release Magma Shlong Rathalos until I am payed with dick! And this man hasn't even fought Hazardous Amatsu yet, do you think he will fuck me after he requests my services? Nay, I will be denied a pounding equivalent to category twenty earthquake once more.
Screw you, Vincent. Because you certainly refuse to screw me.

The crunch made by snapping a thick tree branch is not entirely dissimilar to the crunch made by a human being’s neck when it’s broken.
Fun little factoid for you.
As I’m writing this, I’m huddled in my car on the side of the road in one of Oregon’s many huge forests. When we entered the woods, there were eight of us. Now, as far as I know, just me.
Let’s explain things, no? Considering that when the cops get here, I’m almost definitely going to prison.
Yesterday morning, me and seven of my friends piled into our cars and set out for a weekend camping trip. We arrived around noon to our campsite and began getting things set up for our stay.
The trek from the road to the site was not… pleasant. Jeremy, the outdoorsy guy in the group, decided that camping in an established site was too “beta” for him, and therefore us, so we needed to rough it somewhere off the grid. His brother Greg and girlfriend Loretta thought this was a great idea.
The rest of us were not as enthusiastic. My partner, Ivy, was very vocal about their complaints, something I tried to stay out of when Jeremy fired back. Like watching two cowboys dueling, but instead of six shooters it was emasculating comments and ignorant remarks.
“Y’know Jeremy, a real man knows when to listen to his friends. Just saying.”
“Yeah, well what would you know about-”
“Alright! Enough of that conversation, let’s keep moving, yeah?”
Adam popped in between the pair, hands up. A grin rested on his face, but the stress was clear in his eyes. His brothers, Luke and Peter, stood back, watching their older brother handle the situation with all the grace of a blind hippo.
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, tell this bitch to stay in her lane.”
My voice joined six others in a chorus of “Their,” leading to another eye-roll from Jeremy, before he set off further into the woods.
Adam fell in step with Ivy and I, muttering under his breath about Jeremy, calling him all sorts of lovely names. The three of us grinned at each other before Adam fell off further back to walk with his brothers.
The woods were silent as we walked. That should’ve been our first red flag, looking back on things. It’s never fully silent in the forest.
And yet, we thought nothing of it, moving on as if things were just as they should be.
We eventually made it to the site. A small circle, looking over a beautiful lake. The campsite was about 15 feet away from a huge cliff, easily a 250 foot fall into the icy water.
Jeremy looked over our grins and nods, smirking at us all. “See? What sort of campsite has a view like this?”
We all mumbled in frustrated agreement, which only led to him laughing. “Listen, when it comes to this sort of thing, I’m your guy. If you need… bible verses, go to the freaks,” Jeremy scowled at Adam and his brothers. “Or, maybe, if you need some freaky goth lullabye, go to Marcy.”
Jeremy nodded at me, and I shook my head. No way was I gonna become a pawn in all his shit.
He shrugged and kept going on his weird little alpha male tangent, but I tuned him out as Ivy and I got our tent set up.
After a few hours, everyone was situated. We celebrated getting here in one piece with a lot of booze, as any good 20-something would do. The conflicts of the day were quickly forgotten once the tequila got broken out, and we were dancing to shitty music played from a bluetooth speaker while our campfire roared in the background. It was a good time.
Until the conservation officer showed up.
We heard the engine cutting through the trees long before we saw anyone, but we were so drunk we didn’t really seem to notice it getting closer until we saw the headlights peering through the undergrowth. The engine cut out, and we heard a soft grunt as a man dismounted from what we could now see was an ATV.
Pushing branches aside, I saw this mountain of a man peering down at us. Easily pushing seven feet tall, with rough, leathery skin and a bushy brown beard. He wore sunglasses that concealed his eyes, and the typical light brown uniform you’d see on a park ranger, complete with the wide brimmed hat. When he spoke, his voice was deep and resonant, yet soft at the same time.
“I think you all might have broken a few rules here in this here campsite, friends.”
Heads turned to look at the stranger, who grinned through his beard. “Yes, I do think-”
Jeremy piped up, walking over to the man with all the bravado of a drunk. “Listen, dude, we’re not hurting nobody, just having some fun.”
The officer looked down at Jeremy, shaking his head. “No, son, you’re hurting plenty. The animals of this here forest, by blasting your loud ass music all over. The forest itself, leaving garbage all over. Your fellow campers. And myself. I don’t take too kindly to folks behaving the way you’re behaving.”
Jeremy swayed a little on his feet, before pointing at the man. “Well, I think maybe YOU-”
The officer moved deceptively quick for a man of his size, grabbing Jeremy by the shoulder and tossing him aside, his head slamming into a tree trunk with a loud crack. The officer held up a finger in a “one moment” motion, before walking over to Jeremy, who was holding his head, his hand coming away sticky with blood.
The officer looked up at the trees, grabbing a thick tree limb with one hand and snapping it off the body of the tree, a loud crunch coming from the tree as he did. He looked down at Jeremy, who looked back up at him and finally seemed to realize what was happening, holding his hands up in defense.
“Hey, man, hey. Let’s just chill out and-”
The officer brought the limb down with such force on Jeremy’s outstretched hand that a bone jutted out from near his elbow, and he screamed, dropping his arms down to his chest. A choir of screams erupted from the campsite as the limb was brought down on his head once, before it was tossed aside.
The officer grabbed Jeremy by the shoulders and stood him up, blood running down between his eyes. He was alive, barely, but clearly in a bad state.
The officer wrapped an arm around his shoulders, looking at all of us. “You all are being damn near horrible to this here forest. And so, I’m gonna be damn near horrible to all you. Starting with this one here.”
With that, he slipped his arm around Jeremy’s neck and yanked hard to one side. A sickening crunch not dissimilar to the tree limb breaking could be heard, and Jeremy collapsed to the forest floor, the light of life rapidly leaving his eyes.
Most of us were too stunned to really react, save for Peter, one of Adam’s younger brothers. He let out a scream and rushed the officer, who reacted with a firm punch between Peter’s eyes, dropping the teen immediately. “Now, that’s no way to react…”
The officer walked past me, dragging Peter’s body behind him. He smelled of aftershave and sweat, and I realized this was my chance to get the fuck out of here. I grabbed Ivy’s arm and started slowly making my way back towards the woods.
The officer hoisted Peter up by his shirt collar, shaking his head as he stopped near the cliff drop. “Well! Down ya go, youngin’.”
As he threw Peter over the cliff, Adam rushed him as well, a tent peg in his hand. He let out a cry as he slammed the peg into the officer’s back, and he let out a grunt as he whirled around with a backhand that Adam was able to duck under, before running into the woods.
The officer glared at us all as he watched us scatter into the woods, the evening sun framing him as he stood on the cliffside.
As we ran, Ivy stopped near his ATV, slamming their nail file into one of the tires. The blade snapped as they pulled it back out, but the hissing of air leaking revealed their strike was effective. We scattered into the trees, knowing this man was likely hot on our trails.
Alright, that’s about all I have in me to relive at the moment, emotionally. I’m going to try and get some sleep, hope a car comes by and picks me up soon. I’ll go more into depth about what happened next another time.

This is the official end of the first Volume. Next week will begin Volume 2!
After a lot of progress on my story, I'm making changes to my Patreon and instead of reading 3 chapters ahead, you'll get access to 5.
Elijah Commission
Azeline Commission
The Little Menace
Worship Her
If you want to read 5 chapters ahead, check out my Patreon!
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Bennett was dead asleep in his hammock when he was roused by hushed whispers and the sound of activity echoed throughout the room, seemingly amplified by its cramped space.
“Ben.” A voice called out.
As the engineer slowly opened a singular eye, he found himself struggling to make sense of the situation. A figure was just a few meters away from him, rifling through a bag when they turned around and faced him. However, Bennetts groggy state prevented him from fully discerning who or what was responsible for the disruption.
“Ben, wake up.” The voice called out one more time.
Scowling in irritation, Bennett chose to ignore the voice and flipped over, burying his face into the hammock's fabric. He was determined to get back to sleep, even as the voice grew more insistent and the room's activity continued.
“Ben, wake the fuck up!” The voice finally yelled.
Suddenly, Bennett found himself suspended in the air, his groggy state replaced with fear and anxiety as he was forcefully yanked out of his hammock. He tried to process what was happening, but before he could comprehend the situation, he felt the cold embrace of the hardwood floor.
THUD
“Argh! Fuck!” The Engineer groaned as he slowly lifted himself up off the ground. "You goddamn asshole!" Bennett snapped, his voice hoarse from the mixture of pain and anger.
Standing over Bennett with a cackling Fairy on his shoulder, Elijah decided he wasn’t going to wait for the stubborn man to get up on his own. "It's time to get up," Elijah said, turning around to continue sifting through his bag. "We got a lot of shit to do before we leave, and I can't afford to have you sleeping in."
Bennett’s glare shifted between his captain and his sadistic partner. "Fine, fine. I'm up," he grumbled, rubbing his sore back. He knew Elijah was right, but that didn't make the sudden wake-up call any less infuriating. Yana, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying Bennett's misery, her laughter ringing in his ears.
THUD
Pulling out his remaining Bioscanner, Elijah began running diagnostics on the device, ensuring it was in working order for when he delivered it to Salvanius. It was a trade that he was loathing, but it was a trade he would make 1000 times if given the chance to get the rest of their equipment back. Even if they only managed to find a quarter of their property, that was still a lot better than having nothing at all.
As the Bioscanner's display indicated the device was functioning optimally, Elijah let out a small depressed sigh and slid it into his pocket. "Alright, let's get this over with," he said, opening the door and stepping out into the dimly lit corridor. Bennett followed, still grumbling under his breath about the hostile work environment while shifting his stink eye at both Yana and Elijah.
THUD
“GOD DAMNIT!!” Bennett yelled, rubbing his head after hitting the top of the door frame.
He had completely forgotten how cramped everything was on this wooden death trap and how he had to crouch throughout the entire interior. Frustration and annoyance etched on his face, Bennett muttered a string of curses under his breath as he adjusted his posture to avoid the low ceilings and narrow passageways.
“Midgets…” The Engineer sneered as he heard Elijah snicker father up ahead.
It only took a few moments for Elijah and Bennett to reach the deck, and there they observed Rhea efficiently issuing orders to the ship's sailors. Her authoritative voice rang out over the hustle and bustle of the ship’s crew, who were quickly scurrying about, securing ropes and checking supplies. What really caught their attention, though, was Rhea was finally out of her armor.
Adorned in a faded white linen long-sleeved shirt, Rhea left her chest straps slightly undone, revealing a hint of her modest, but alluring cleavage. The Knight Captain’s slim, athletic figure was displayed in stark contrast to the thick padding underneath the metal armor she normally wore. To accentuate her figure, the tight brown linen pants she wore hugged her humbly, but satisfyingly shapely curves and seamlessly tucked into her leather boots. The outfit, deceptively sultry, effortlessly exuded a sense of casual confidence and undeniable charm.
Turning her head slight, the Knight Captain finally noticed the two Humans and acknowledged them with a nod. “Good morning Sir Elijah, Sir Bennett and…” She made a difficult face when her eyes locked onto Yana.
“Your Honor will do!” The Fairy said in a chipper voice, crossing her legs. “I am both a Goddess and a confirmed Eternal Judge of the Fae courts!”
Rhea’s expression turned sour for a moment, but decided it was best not to engage any further with the mischievous Vanir. "Very well, good morning Your Honor," Rhea replied, forcing a polite smile. "We're running a bit late, but we should be ready to set sail in just a few hours.”
Elijah raised an eyebrow at the small fairy at the mention of being a confirmed judge, but shifted his attention back towards Rhea and nodded in understanding. "We'll be ready whenever you are," he said with his eyes traveling up her entire figure attire before refocusing on her face. "Just give us the signal when it's time to set sail." .
“I’m assuming the northern woman is still asleep?” The Knight Captain asked, tilting her head curiously.
Seeing her long elf ears bounce up and down seemed to be the final straw for Elijah, as an unbidden and almost adolescent fascination welled up within him. He blinked a few times, trying to regain his composure before replying. "Uh, yeah, she’s still asleep," Elijah finally responded, exhaling deeply. "We’ve been up for almost 36 hours, so I think it's best to let her rest for a while longer." he replied, trying to maintain a professional demeanor despite the lingering fascination with her elf ears.
Bennett narrowed his eyes in annoyance as he regarded his captain with a disgusted look. "Can you control yourself?" he asked with a judgmental tone.
Also noticing Elijah’s basically ogling her, Rhea couldn't help but laugh at the exchange while running a hand through her hair. "I'm glad to see at least someone finds me attractive," she said, her cheeks tinted with a slight blush. Elijah cleared his throat, trying to regain some semblance of dignity as he shifted his gaze away from her.
"Ah... My apologies, Lady Rhea, but I was caught off guard," Elijah said, giving her a genuine smile. "I wasn’t prepared for the famed Knight Captain to be so beautiful out of her armor. It's a pleasant surprise, to say the least."
Rhea found herself momentarily speechless as her cheeks flushing a deep shade of red. She wasn't used to receiving compliments, let alone being called beautiful by someone as striking as Elijah. A small, bashful smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she looked down to hide her embarrassment. "Well… I, um… Thank you, Sir Elijah.” she managed to say, her voice uncharacteristically timid. “I appreciate the kind words."
Noticing the usually confident and stern Knight Captain was completely flustered, Elijah knew she was on the backfoot and went for blood. “You’re more than welcome Lady Rhea,” he responded, bowing his head. “I was just saying it how I see it—”
"Yana, zap him!" Bennett ordered, sensing that Elijah was about to push his luck too far.
The mischievous fairy didn't hesitate, and with a magical pop, she immediately shifted forms, transforming the fiery inferno atop her head into a flowing teal, wind that cascaded past her shoulders. After her transformation, a maniacal grin spread across her face as she clutched two fistfuls of Elijah's hair.
“AHH FUCK!” Elijah yelped in pain.
A light chuckle escaped Rhea's lips as she watched the scene play out before her, momentarily pushing aside her embarrassment and wariness of the group. Their playful antics, though unprofessional, stirred a sense of lighthearted camaraderie she hadn't experienced in years. The thrill of exploring the unknown alongside trusted friends had been lost to her ever since she joined Salvanius' Order. The organization's rigid structure and hierarchy had dampened her once-adventurous spirit, and witnessing Elijah's crew sparked a touch of envy within her.
Yana, still grinning mischievously, finally released her grip on Elijah's hair. The man, now fuming with anger, made a hasty attempt to snatch her out of the air, but the nimble fairy easily dodged his grasp, giggling all the while.
"I'm going to kill the both of you!" Elijah yelled, glaring at both Yana and Bennett. His frustration only caused more laughter from the fairy and an amused smirk from Bennett, who crossed his arms and leaned back against the railing.
"Come now, Sir Elijah, there's no need for violence," Rhea interjected while covering her mouth in a poor attempt to hide her own laughter. "I'm sure you can find it in your heart to forgive their little prank.” She continued, adjusting her hair that was flowing in the wind. “We’re going to spend a few long days sailing if we’re going to catch up with them, after all.”
Glancing back at her crew, Rhea's face returned to its usual stern expression when she noticed the sailors gawking and whispering amongst themselves. It was evident that her momentary display of mirth had taken them by surprise, as they rarely saw their Knight Captain in such a lighthearted state.
"What in the name of Tylas are you all gawking at!?" She roared, placing her hands firmly on her hips “GET BACK TO WORK!”
Rhea's eyes narrowed as the scrambling crew members hastily returned to their tasks, their faces pale with fear. The ship's atmosphere instantly shifted back to its usual disciplined state as the sailors focused on their duties, aware that their Knight Captain's gaze was upon them.
Elijah let out an annoyed sigh in the realization that he was probably never going to catch that little psychopath and shifted his gaze to Bennett. “I’m gonna get you.” He hissed hatefully. “Mark my words, you piece of shit.” However, Bennett merely smirked in response, clearly unfazed by his captain's threats.
Just as Elijah was about to ask the Knight Captain about the whereabouts of her liege, the man himself appeared on deck. Salvanius came sauntering up the planks that connected the ship to the docks, his imposing figure drawing the attention of everyone present.
"It's quite rare to hear you so jovial, Rhea," the Demigod remarked, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Rhea, slightly taken aback by her liege's observation, straightened her posture and cleared her throat.
"My apologies, your grace," she replied respectfully, attempting to regain her usual composure. "I shall see to it that this Cog is ready to depart, post haste."
Salvanius waved a dismissive hand, his expression softening slightly. "There's no need to apologize, Rhea. It's good to see you enjoying yourself, even if just for a moment. However, you are correct; our guest would most likely appreciate departing as soon as possible."
With that, Rhea nodded and began barking orders to her crew, ensuring that everything was in order for their imminent departure.
Turning to his guests, Salvanius addressed them with an air of authority. "I assume you two have the magical tool..." He paused, recalling the events that transpired the previous day. "I mean, the tool. Is it ready?"
The two Human’s exchanged glances before Elijah stepped forward, pulling out the bioscanner from his pocket. "You’re not going to be able to understand it, but I’ve configured it in a way where you can still get a lot of functionality without having to read." he explained, holding the device out for Salvanius to see.
Time flew as Elijah went into an in depth explanation of the bioscanner's functions and features. He walked Salvanius through everything all the way from disease diagnosis to health monitoring and treatments. With each new feature the human listed seemed to make Salvanius’ jaw drop lower and lower until he found himself looking like a fool.
"And finally, if a red tube with a bolt of lightning ever just starts flashing, all you have to do is flip it over so these panels face the star and just wait," Elijah explained, pointing at the bright orb in the morning sky as he showed the Demigod the solar panels. "It's designed to recharge itself using starlight, so you'll never have to worry about finding a power source."
Salvanius' eyes widened even further, if that were possible. "Astounding," he breathed, clearly impressed. "And you’re just willing to give this to me…?"
“Eh.” Elijah shrugged dismissively. “I have augments- I mean I can already do most of that stuff other than a few things, so it’s mainly just redundant fail safe incase I’m away or dead.”
A complicated expression spread across Salvanius' face as Elijah mentioned that the device was merely a redundancy measure in case of his absence. Suddenly the prospect of having this man as a retainer became much, MUCH more appealing. However, his thoughts were soon interrupted when the Vanir made its appearance by landing squarely on Elijah’s shoulder while glaring daggers at the Demigod.
Salvanius met Yana's gaze and sighed, dispelling the intrusive and dishonorable thoughts of taking these Artificers for himself.
“I understand.” The demigod said, turning his focus back to Elijah. “The Holy Dominion will not forget this grace you’ve bestowed upon us.” He gave a grateful nod before spinning around and heading towards the dock.
However, he soon came to a halt as his eyes fell upon a group of women arguing with his knights at the ramp leading to the ship. The women seemed intent on gaining access to the ship, their arms laden with various items, including several sizable platters of food.
“W-Wait! I-I was instructed to board!” A slim and fearful redhead said, holding a large burlap sack.
Something felt… Off about her.
It was almost as if Salvanius could recognize the woman, even though he was fairly certain he hadn't met her before. Then again, he had met a great number of people in this damned village, but his instincts kept nudging him to take a closer look. But his thoughts were interrupted when he recognized the Beastkin woman and the gaggle of Ferfolk slaves next to her.
"What do ye mean we ain't allowed entry!? I gotta deliver me gratitude before it's too late!" the dog-like woman bellowed, her voice full of frustration and urgency.
An amused huff left Salvanius’ mouth before looking over his shoulder. “I do believe you have guests.” The Demigod said before making his way down the plank.
“Let them through.” He said to his knights, waving his hand dismissively as he walked past the group.
The knights obeyed without hesitation and stepped aside allowing the gaggle of women to board the ship. "Thank ye, yer grace," The dog-like woman bowed deeply before her and the Ferfolk ran up the ramp.
As Elijah approached at the edge of the ship , confusion spread across his face as Mara suddenly appeared with her renowned tubers in hand. The woman stopped a good distance away, staring intently at the man, attempting to gauge his reaction and determine whether he would be receptive to her presence. Seeing he was just staring at her impassively, Mara gathered her courage, and stepped forward with a warm smile.
"I... I wanted to give ye this as a token of me gratitude…” She said shyly. “Ye know, for everything ye done for us."
Elijah's eyes flicked between Mara and the tubers, his confusion slowly melting away into a wry smile as he flicked his hand in a beckoning motion. The action caused Mara’s Shyness to completely dissipate as she bounded forward and handed him the tubers with enthusiasm. "You really didn't have to, but thank you," Elijah said, accepting the gift.
Mara beamed at his response, clearly relieved. "It's the least I could do!” She said, with her tail wagging vigorously. “I couldn’t bear the thought of not makin’ amends with ye.”
Turning around, Elijah handed this plate of tubers to the salivating Engineer and watched as Yana bolted off his shoulder in an attempt to attack the pile of food. Shaking his head, Elijah turned back to Mara and the group of women with a bemused expression. "Hopefully they’ll leave me some," he commented.
“Ye can always come back and get more.” Mara replied with a coy. “I’ll let ye have all the service ye want.”
A chuckle escaped Elijah’s mouth as he ran a hand through his hair. "I might just take you up on that," he said with a smirk. "Your food isn’t the only thing I’m going to miss."
Mara's cheeks flushed deeply at Elijah's reply, her tail wagging even faster as she tried to play it cool. "Well, I'll be sure to make myself available whenever ye are in need of some company," she replied, propping up her supple chest.
Elijah couldn't help but let his eyes wander for a moment before meeting Mara's gaze again, a lopsided grin playing at the corners of his mouth. "I'll… keep that in mind as long as you promise not to try to get me killed again." he replied with a goofy tone that made the dog-girl giggle.
“So all I need to do is spread my legs if I’m ever in need of your forgiveness?” Azelines voice rang out from behind him as the blond Elf woman emerged from the ship still rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes.
With a mouth full of fried tubers, Bennett decided to chime in. “I told him his dick is going to eventually get him killed.” He said, beckoning the Ferfolks to place the other platters on a nearby box.
Bringing a hand up to press against his eyes, Elijah let out an annoyed groan before turning his attention towards the two. “Why do you have to make this weird?” He asked in exasperation. "It’s all about sincerity.”
Bennett snickered, shoving another tuber into his mouth. "Ah yes. You hear that Aze?” He continued in a mocking tone while elbowing Azeline in the ribs. “You need to put more effort in your apologies!"
Azeline smirked, her teasing nature starting to leak out. "Is that so? I guess I’ll make sure any future apologies come with… an appropriate amount of sincerity and effort." She said, striking a pose that was more satirical than seductive.
“Jesus Christ…” Elijah muttered under his breath while his two crewmates broke out into laughter. “I hate both of you.”
The laughter continued after successfully eliciting an annoyed response from their beleaguered captain. However, a quiet seemed to take over the deck as everyone's attention shifted towards the approaching Knight Captain. "So that's the type of man you are, Sir Eli-jah" Rhea remarked with a raised eyebrow. "I'll bear that in mind when you try to charm me with your honeyed words."
“Oh god damnit…” Elijah facepalmed and dragged his hand down his face as another roar of laughter erupted from everyone in the group.
Rhea’s hand was covering her mouth as she tried to suppress a chuckle. “A-Anyways…” She chortled. “We should be ready to sail any moment now, so make sure you’re all prepared for departure.” The woman said, walking off in the direction of the Helm while her shoulders shook in mirth.
Elijah just stood there for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Where the hell is Auri?” He asked no one in particular, his frustration starting to show.
“A-Ahh… H-Hello.”
Recognizing the voice, Elijah looked up to see a petite woman with bright red hair looking up at him expectantly while holding onto a large burlap sack. Glad to see that he at least didn’t have to go hunting for the dainty woman, Elijah let loose a heavy breath of relief. “Alright, I’ll go tell Lady Rhea-” He tried to say, but Auri interrupted him.
Auri squirmed nervously before asking, "Umm… Should I be worried that you also have designs on me?"
“Oh for fucks sake!” Elijah threw his arms up and let them slap against his thighs in frustration as the rest of the crew barked in laughter. "Let’s just go already!”
Yana however, completely ignored the incessant bickering and Instead, she hungrily finished off one of the smaller platters of tubers and chomped down on the last tiny morsel on the wooden plate. Sighing Contentedly, the Fairy’s gaze fell upon Mara and her small group of Ferfolks as they said their goodbyes and disappeared from view. In their stead, the more fidgety whelping appeared, the one who always seemed to look at Ben and Eli with eager eyes. Although this man seemed far weaker than his sibling, he at least displayed a measure of reverence towards her servants.
Turning her head up towards the clear blue sky, Yana placed a hand on her tiny belly and sighed contentedly. She couldn't wait to see what other delightful mortal delicacies or fanciful experiences she would get to experience in the future.
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